Its NOT an interactive class you idiot!

: 53.7 kgs

Judgments : Just pedal and shut up!

RPM or spinning as it is known overseas became highly popular in the late 90s. I remember reading about it being widely followed in the States back then. Only in these past few years did Malaysia pick up on the trend, here we call it RPM, I assume it is a Les Mills branded name.

First time I heard of RPM, visions of furiously spinning tyre rims and engine revving came to mind. The vision turned out to be a real nightmare! RPM really gets the sweat breaking through. Those of you who can't seem to manage a drop should try this class. The only thing I hate about it are the disco ball lights, they make me dizzy at times and do nothing to help me imagine that I am cycling through the villages in France.

Nothing however irritates me more than this moron in class who thinks that he needs to be responding to every command the instructor spews out.

RPM Instructor : Ok, get ready to turn it up, we're coming to a hill
Moron : "Ya"
RI : Turn it up!
Moron : "Ya"
RI : How you all feeling? Good?
Moron : "Ya" Whoooooooooo

For crying out loud, it is NOT an interactive class, and where on earth does he find the energy to do anything but pedal like hell!



: Someone should shove a sock into his mouth before the class...

Sour Lemon

: Not important!

Judgments : The Boy is not going to have a welcome home!

"No time" was the excuse he gave me when I asked if he had gone over to Pure Yoga to check out Lulu Lemon! No time for Lulu Lemon? Sometimes I wonder about his priorities...


: See if I have time for him when he gets back from Singapore

Gross Sights at The Gym (Men)

: Feels light like a bunny!

Judgements : I wish they'd learn to be beautiful before they came trotting in the gym!

The gross sight is not the men themselves but their sense of dressing. You already know what I have to say about those in track pants.

My gay boys have a great sense of style along with hot bods but not all have such sense of style, lets not even talk about the straight men. The Boy, when he does feel like gymming, throws on the t-shirt on top of the ironed pile and a shorts that matches or sometimes doesn't and off he goes. There is no planning...that's where the problem lies.

As a result, they burden other people with how they look - UGLY! Disgusting also comes to mind but gross is my usual reaction, especially to looks that are so last century. Tights rate top of the list. Why do you think Robin Hood Men In Tights wasn't a blockbuster? Gross sights usually involve tights I'll provide a visual:

1. Men in tights and little singlets
2. Men in tights and little singlets and no cutting on their arms or chest
3. Men with all of 2 above and with a protruding stomach

If you think I made that up, he exists in my jam and pump class. And shockingly, he has friends. I just try to stay on the other end of the studio in case I choke catching a glimpse of him while trying to catch my breath.

Another disturbing sight is men in running shorts. They are too little and too loose. This is not Hawaii.

I do yoga and in one of my classes, we have a guy who practices in his running shorts! He along with the shorts should be banned from yoga class. Running shorts should only be allowed in marathons and on guys with toned and larger thighs. Put the running shorts pulled high on milky white legs with matching running top and you might get the urge to offer him a sarong or a fashion magazine.

: I hate jewelry viewing while I'm trying to synchronize my breath with my pose!

I Want...Lulu Lemon!

: Had another bout of runs so I should weigh even less now!

Judgements : There is Nike and then there was Lulu Lemon

I was in yoga executing an especially twisted pose when I noticed the newcomer next to me decked out in Lulu Lemon from top to bottom. That BITCH! I've wanted a LL outfit for some time now. Its like a designer gym outfit. The fabric is amazing, their logo so cute and the colors totally juicy! I WANT I WANT I WANT!

The outfit doesn't look good on her at all, perhaps more toning and classes might help. Seriously, the LL outlet managers should filter their clients before selling them anything. Note to self to NOT get the same outfit.

After class I pretended to compliment her on her poses and proceeded to inquire about LL. She bought it overseas, but apparently it is sold across the border, down south at one of the yoga centers. I came across an outlet selling LL here but prices were ridiculous. It was going for close to RM500 for one piece. I didn't like it that much after that but the salesgirl who thought she was selling Prada didn't have to know. Seriously, what IS IT with salesgirls? If they had all that money, they won't be SALESGIRLS would they?

Not being able to get LL out of my mind after seeing apparel queen in class, I immediately called The Boy who happened to be there on business. After convincing him that I missed him terribly, I suggested that he would be a true darling if he got his executive butt over to the yoga centre to check out some really sexy outfits. Promised him I'd model whatever he decided to bring back ;) its always works *giggles*

: Can't wait for The Boy to call!

Mariah my ass, Pariah Carey perhaps!

: 53.5kgs! I was gravely ill last week and lost quite a bit of weight! Go girl! Not the best way but WHO is complaining

Judgments: If everyone could sing, Simon Cowell would be ahead of Bill Gates or Slim Helu on the Forbes' List

I just got into the gym and was sitting in the locker room when I heard Mariah Carey's Hero being sung behind me. The natural reaction was to throw up then beat the shit outta the bitch herself and also the one who was singing it. Mind you, it wasn't sung in normal humming formats (more appropriate for locker room environments) nor even the sing softly-to-self manner. NO, Pariah was in full vibrato form, thinking she was the diva herself!

I turned around of course, had to see the offender, and there she was decked only in a towel, combing her hair and singing with a hell-could-care attitude. Well, hell did care; they obviously sent her back here didn't they?

She obviously thought that her emotions carried the song through. Well darling, it takes more than Emotions to carry any tune, especially a Mariah's and I didn't buy hers. My friend happened to catch her "performance" on the way in, glanced at her and Pariah didn't seem to be embarrassed one bit. Must've thought she was live in Madison Square Gardens *eyeball rolls*

Reality check!

: Shit! I can't seem to get Hero out of my head...

Jam for the Boys

: I suspect I lost a whole kilo during PT session

Judgments : If only straight men cared so much about their bodies...

I missed Body Jam the other day, was running late thanks to some idiot who had to explain something pointless at length during con call. Unfortunately, the idiot was someone senior so nobody squeaked nor interrupted when he droned on past my Jam hour. Instead of intense bodily movements, I had to settle for the calming yoga class. Which is fine since I need to maintain flexibility.

While waiting for yoga to start, I stared longingly at the on-going Jam class, imagining myself in there. Automatically I found myself moving to the music but what caught my eye were the two boys at the back of the class. Their body movements were so fluid and sexy, they swayed without effort yet with so much energy, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. They were obviously gay, only the boys would have such fluidity of movements.

I confess to being a fag hag and what other class but Jam will get my boys there with me, apart from Step of course. Sometimes I'm so geram with them for being able to do all those sexy moves when I occasionally miss a step. They glam up for the class too mind you, with accessories and all.

Of all the straight men in the classes I've been to, I swear only like 1% can actually do power moves and not look soft. Those who can't, god help them coz they look totally out of place and kayu. Mind you, chinese guys can really be off with the rhythm.

I've also been in Jam classes with uncles trying to keep up with the Charlston...yes, it is their era, but with Ms Aguilera's new "Candy Man" track, they can hardly keep up! Instead of looking young at heart, they just look plain ridiculous.

: This outfit is not meant for yoga, kept adjusting the pants while in forward bends and warrior :(

Icon therefore I am

Some of you have asked what the icons mean.

This icon signifies my weight, one of the reasons why I head to the gym ever so often. So cute kan the colored barbells. Girly girl weights in yummy colors!


That is me in "lotus" meditating, thinking about the day's event or just thoughts that run through my head at the end of a gym session. Only when I am calm and collected in thoughts can I write with total clarity.

Work Those Legs, Chicken Little

: 56 thereabouts. What? You think I weight myself everyday? I got a life!

Judgments : Men. If only their family jewels were as big as their ego

In the gym, I can't help but notice that guys are so focused on working out only the top half of their bodies. Its funny given that their brains are down "there".

Girls, if you don't believe me, ask yourself why so many of them wear track pants and not shorts. 'Fashion' could be a semi-correct answer but really, it is to hide their Chicken Little legs. Too bad, I now know your little secrets (amongst other little secrets). Everytime one of you smiles at me wearing a track bottom, I smile back but really my head is screaming "scrawny leg alert".

I've seen so many men that look as if they will topple over if anyone shoved them from waist up. This is especially true with those of you bulging at the chest, out of your tank tops but with chopstick legs. Seriously guys, if you wanna pump iron, don't forget about the legs. Working the legs would also mean an exercised set of buns *faints momentarily thinking about those*

Guys, if you don't already know, strong muscled legs drive us crazy. Why do you think we watch football? Beckham's leg of lamb couldn't be juicier, many including me would love a bite. Honey, if you're reading my blog, just know that I love your legs the way they are, but more gym would be nice *muakkss & hint hint*

I have a theory. Maybe men are afraid of working out those legs in case their "little brother" looks even smaller against a large thigh! I suspect I might be right about this...


: Note to self - ask The Boy if theory might hold water. If he doesn't tell the truth, hold back benefits accordingly

Definitions, not of the bodily kind

: 55.5kg

Judgments : Like everything else, gyms have become so commercialized

Prior to joining this gym, the last time I stepped into one was in the previous century. Only "Group X" classes they had then was hi-lo and step. Hi-lo today is probably the equivalent of Body Attack and Step is still step. Enter the new century with bikini bods like Jessica Alba and Paris Hilton getting starring roles in men's wet dreams, you have no choice but to work that much harder!

There are so many variations and choices of group classes nowadays, Combat, Pump, Step, Body Step, RPM, there is even belly dancing and line dancing for the aunties. I'm just waiting for strip/pole dancing to hit the gyms, likelihood of that in Malaysia being slimmer than Nicole Richie of course.

When I first joined, I required a total overhaul of the gym lingo to keep up.

Last century terminology; Combat - widely used in military training, Pump - for when I top up gas, "to pump petrol", RPM - measures the relationship between my foot on the gas pedal and the rev gauge on the dashboard.

In the present century, Body Jam is yet another form of group exercise, and there I thought they finally had an adult class with a bit of dirty dancing incorporated. Some Shakira and JLo combo. I was genuinely interested in finding out how the spread would turn out...

My BFF and gym partner had the best definition of all:

Body Jam = a state of being where the body "jams" up (a.k.a stuck, malfunctions, does not/cannot move)

: Body feels fab, energy and hormone levels back to normal

Brands Are Essence, Like Chicken

: 56ish kgs (a little bloated from the monthlies)

Judgments : Bata is NOT a brand, Nike on the other hand is

Right after a round of very challenging uphill climbs and endless sprints during RPM (all necessary to lose the water retention), I was reading the papers and getting hydrated when one of the RPM groupies parked himself down beside me and started chatting away. Don’t people get a hint?? Sometimes, reading materials are not about reading, its about avoiding unnecessary conversations such as the one I was currently going to have! He was still dripping in sweat and smelling like it, eeeuuuggggghhhh!

Now don’t get me wrong, some men looking like sweat nation really do look hot and sexy, but you really do need a great bod and fine looks to get away with sweaty ‘pits and “manly BO”. Think the cover of Men’s Fitness, no less baby.

Ball hugging pants guy proceeds to admire my Nike Air Max and then asked where I bought it. I curtly told him that it could be found at most sport-outlet chains or in the Nike store. While wiping away the sweat with his stained face towel, he then added that Nike shoes, although nice in appearance, don’t work for him. Immediately my eyes gazed downward at his feet thinking I’d find a Reebok or Adidas. Call it reflex action but I’m sure my face didn’t hide my feelings when I saw the Power logo. BATA was his brand of choice!

Perhaps in reaction to my expressions, he quickly mentioned that he had a pair of Nike shoes prior to this, but it couldn’t take the pounding of both gym and road running. If you asked me, it didn’t look as if his pair of Power shoes took it that well either…To cover up further, he said that his pair of Nike costs him close to RM200 and didn’t last more than 1 year. Honestly honey, that isn’t even half of what I paid for mine and if you looked into my shoe closet, you might just let slip and call me Imelda.

Once you go branded, you never turn back! Here was this guy selling me the benefits of a pair of Bata shoes when those who know me know that I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing non-brands. It was a painful conversation to say the least, especially when I was decked out in the latest collection, head-to-toe.

So as not to collapse from the BO fumes or the lack of a topic of interest, I pretended that The Boy lacked attention at home and speedily rushed off.

: Body feels good after RPM but nose and patience took a hit today

Truth Be Told

: 56kgs

Judgments : Damn, the combat instructor is still on my mind!

This is my first entry, I’ll tell you how and why I started this blog. I joined the gym some time back to (a) wear flat abs confidently with the bra top and (b) have toned arms like Madonna’s. I am grateful for good genes and a determined mind. Now that I am there, maintaining it can be a chore at times but the opposite would be unthinkable.

While I occasionally enjoy gymming, I bitch on end about people in the gym, their dressing, mannerisms, just about anything. Friends think I’m critical….yeah, WHATever! You would be too if you saw those people. Oh, and there is The Boy who never seems to be fascinated with any of my rantings. And so in Gym Bitch, I choose to tell the rest of the world, or at least those who care to read about it.

It takes the weight off my 30″ Body Pump bench-pressed chest at times and lessens the strain on my knees, and then all is well and balanced once more. Don’t try to spot me out or guess which gym I’m from. This is not a contest and I’m not the “Mystery Gymmer” tagged to a prize. After all, it makes it more fascinating to observe and not be known, almost like a spy who fits right in and infiltrates an organization. So you better watch what you wear, things you do and noises you make, I’ll be right beside you noting it down…

: A weight is lifted off my shoulder now that I can bitch